i owned monday.

so last night was somewhat of a disaster.

it started when i got home from work and was all jacked up (inexplicably), which made me want to DO SOMETHING, which resulted in the irrational decision of repainting the bathroom.

about 8 minutes into this, i realized i would rather stick hot pokers in my eyeballs than balance in an inverted position on a chair that is one wobble away from collapse while trying to put a fresh double coat of high gloss white on the ceiling. painting ceilings sucks. period.

but it was too late to turn back so i kicked it into overdrive and started speed painting like Jackie Joyner-Kersee on an 8-ball.

bathroom finished, i cracked a beer and hopped onto my oversized bed – which truthfully is about 2 inches from needing a step-stool – and sank into a guilty pleasure haze.

Bachelor Pad, people. there is only one legit reason to watch this and that is Jesse B . . . who might be dumb as rocks but is so friggin’ hot that i really don’t care so much about brain cells. in your pretend life, brain cells don’t matter anyway.

enter exhibit a:

 

okay, so i’m not digging the swim trunks and the cocktail placement is pretty stoopid (but not at all surprising, coming from the ABC network suits) but i’m into every single thing else about all of this.

and then my guest room closet collapsed. and i mean c-o-l-l-a-p-s-e-d. and i choked on my beer. and almost peed my pants. from the next room, i thought for sure my house was under attack. when in reality, 20 years of vintage t-shirts, designer jeans, and a stuffed cat (which i don’t ever remember acquiring but i’m certain comes with a good story i wish i hadn’t blocked from my memory) proved to be a wee bit too much for the shelf which has been supporting the weight of such items for the last 6 years.

and there was an acura license plate which emerged from the rubble.

i have never owned an acura.

ever.

so i did what any normal person would do in this situation. i took a picture and walked away.

but not before i did a little shopping in my closet. among a slew of other things, i found this pair of shoes which made the whole apocalyptic closet collapse well worth it. i had completely forgotten about these little retro inspired diddys, which i totally love a lot. not because they are the most comfortable or the prettiest or whatever but because they make me want to put on a frilly dress, go some place like a wedding, and twirl around in circles.

but i am seriously reconsidering the length of what i thought could be a dress. this can not be a dress . . . . . . . . . . can it???

i suppose it could if i were in vegas. but i am not in vegas.

 

and in case anyone ever had any question that i was in a sorority, well let me just say this:

EAT IT.

because i have somewhere between 68 and 422 Chi Omega t-shirts to prove it.

nevermind all the t-shirts i got from the fraternities.

did i do anything in college other than attend formals, semi-formals, bid days, game days, lawn dances, parents weekends, big sis/lil sis events, old south weekends, mallard balls, date nights, date days, and other assorted Greek sponsored events??

thanks for the out of state tuition, mom & dad.

and thanks for all the cash it probably took to buy all these shirts which now lay in a sad pile in the middle of the floor.

because apparently they weigh a billion pounds all stacked together.

the end.

have another.

why not.

it’s friday . . .

mother burger.

if you live anywhere remotely near in NYC, and have never been to Mother Burger, then might i suggest you stop reading immediately, get out of your chair, and run – do not walk – RUN, RUN, RUN yourself on over there.

my friend Scott introduced me to this little slice of food greatness last night and let me tell you exactly what went down:

(a) outdoor seating (which is my favorite thing ever)

(b) 4 margaritas … don’t judge.

(c) 1 burger w/ fries

(d) $22.00 tab ………… TWENTY-TWO DOLLA DOLLA BILLS ! ! ! ! ! !

places like this don’t exist in new york city …. EXCEPT THEY DO!

and then we went to this place where i insisted they play Madonna’s “Immaculate Collection”

which they did.

windows 7 is trippy.

so my new computer (which i’ve had since april and will be considered new for probably another year or so) is taking some getting used to. mainly because it has windows 7 and i’ve been an XP girl for like ever. and i just discovered that i can write on the ol’ bloggity without even having to go to the bloggity. it’s like magic, i suppose. and other things the windows 7 blog writer is allowing me to do:

put watermarks on my photos so you can’t steal them. but i don’t really actually care if you steal them, so this is sort of useless to me.

i could also post a map if i wanted to. straight from my windows 7 blog tool to you. like this:

BAM! that’s my mama’s house in greensboro. okay, so it started out as a map, but then i had the opion to “convert to bird’s eye view” and well, who can resist that?? you can even see the trampoline in the backyard. which was once the neighborhood hang out. and scored me a helluva lot of cool points back in the day.

 

ohhhh and what about videos?! remember this one? one click, and there you have it! instant flashback to this drug (DayQuil) induced moment:

 

and apparently i can even upload an entire photo album …. in case the 4 photos i posted from maine weren’t enough and you really need to see all 600 of them. but i’m not going to do that here because in the event you are FIRED for looking at someone else’s vacation photos while you should be doing real work that you’re getting paid to do, i can’t have that on my conscious.

 

and i can also  add a plug-in …… whatever the hell a plug-in is.

if this is how you feel about your J-O-B, then i say it might be time to consider a career move. or at least a cubicle move (if you are unlucky enough to sit in a cubicle for 40 hours every week...which could be the reason you hate your job)

unless you fancy spending the rest of your life in the wilderness like that crazy loon dubbed "Grizzly Man" . . . and you see how unfavorably that turned out.

and if you didn't, well, i can shed some light on that. he was dismembered, limb by limb, by a bear who he thought was his "friend".

his girlfriend, too.

now don't get me wrong, some days i hate my job too. like HATE it, want to throw it in the trash and set fire to it.

but that doesn't happen very often and usually only on days when the already crazy people i work with are on a particular off-the-charts rampage of stupidity.

i think it helps that i don't work with the same people every single day. or even every single week. and sometimes i never work with the same people twice. and certainly not three times.

maybe that's the key to employment bliss.

happy monday, haters.

a psalm for today.

recently, someone said to me "you've known a lot of people who have died."

well, yeah. when you know a lot of people, those are the unfortunate odds. at some point, you are bound to know a lot of people who have passed.

sunday evening, news spread that someone who i have known since grade school had passed away. at the age of 29. TWENTY NINE. it seems impossible and it is most certainly unfair. impossible. unfair.

and then my mom sent me this:

Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are and help us to spend them as we should.
~ Psalm 90:12

and it's true.

so make today super awesome.

ready, go.

tune everyone out and pretend you're somewhere else.

like tahiti.



and if that doesn't work, call in sick tomorrow and actually go to tahiti.

that's what frequent flyer miles are for.

lobster pets.

maine rocks my world.

holy bananas does it ever.

i'd never been to that corner of the country, for about 3 reasons:

#1: never really thought about it
#2: the last time there was a proposition to venture up there for some R&R, i was chained to a film set
#3: it's a frozen tundra world during the months when i have the most free time

but i went. i conquered. and it knocked my socks off. although i never wore any socks. not even once. and that's an awesome concept in and of itself.

sailing. one of life's greatest hobbies. and an excellent platform for hard work and an abundance of unidentified cuts and bruises. as well as the best night sleep you will ever have. it's no wonder parents rock their kids to sleep.

we ate lobster breakfast, lunch, and dinner. i didn't know one would eat lobster for breakfast, but now i do. and when you buy your dinner from a lobster man, off on a lobster boat, in lobster world (i.e. the atlantic ocean), you can score the suckers for fi-dolla (read: 5 bucks) a pound.

i want to throw up at the thought of how many times i laid out half a C-note for lobster in a restaurant. and not even a really great restaurant at that. stupid manhattan and it's fancy stupid prices.

some other fun facts about maine lobsters, as can be seen in exhibits a-d below:

* they can be worn as necklaces
* you can teach them tricks (like drinking beer)
* if you name them and treat them as pets while they are still alive and swimming in your sink, it makes it almost unbearable to listen to them scream when you put them in a large pot of boiling water









i won't tell you what we named them . . .

since they were named after people i (and some of you) know.