(for your tequila. or also in case you lose power and need to put your refrigerator contents in a cooler for an indefinite period of time. but mostly for the tequila.)
buy paper products and bottled water.
(no one wants to be stranded without tp. if i need to explain this to you, then you deserve to be stranded without tp. the water if for hydrating post-tequila and for brushing your teeth when you lose the ability to consume your tap water. which is apparently still unsafe to consume. so i’m boiling pots of water like it’s my job and buying stock in poland spring.)
make some eggs. eggs? eggs.
(while complaining to mom that there aren’t a lot of non-perishable food items that belong outside the junk food and junk food categories, she suggested i make some hard boiled eggs and keep them on ice should i lose power. so now i have a refrigerator full of eggs.)
fill your tub with water.
(this was news to me, but apparently you’re supposed to do it. so i did it.)
buy more tequila.
(and don’t bother with upgrading to patron or anything fancy. your buddy jose will do just fine. you’ll be pummeling it at such a rapid pace that you won’t even know the difference. plus you can’t be high maintenance in the same moment that your windows are about to be blown out.)
other than that, alls you can do is sit. and. wait.
(and prepare to be slightly underwhelmed and wonder why everyone thought it would be so epically apocolyptic.)
OH. and one more thing.
to everyone out there who thinks that these 2 events are a sign of the end of days.
earthquakes and hurricanes have been happening since the dawn of time. and probably before that.
UMM HELLO, DINOSAURS.