rich people's problems.

by now you might be noticing a pattern. i have a weird and completely unnecessary tendency to invest certain down-time hours in WASTE.OF.MY.TIME. stupid idiotic senseless garbage television. i am not proud. often times i even hang my head in shame.

tonight was no exception.

i watched the "real" housewives of orange county. i don't even know where to begin because all i want to do is scream four-letter words in disgust at what i actually sat through. i'll try not to bore you with more than is necessary.

recap: housewife finds out last week that her husband has been lying about failed shady business attempts and they are being evicted from their wildly overpriced orange county condo. which they moved into about a day ago. sob. cut to this week, the family is in shambles. and i mean FULL ON CRISIS MODE. housewife, who i am already fully convinced has a serious pill popping problem, has moved their two daughters to her mother's while the husband has taken refuge some overpriced orange county resort. yep, a resort.

here's where i want to have a meltdown...

housewife says: i mean, this is like seriously the closest to a near death experience for me. i mean, omigah!

OMFG.

trainwreck daughter says: i just want to be a normal teenager. i mean we move like every 6 months. i just want to be normal. waaaaaahhh. i mean, i can't even trust you, dad. we have lived practically everywhere in orange county. WAAAHHHHHH.

OMFG.

husband says: you know what i see in our near future? a real.family.vacation. what do you think about that?

OMFG.

and then i say, as calmly as i possibly can: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


note to housewife: this is NOT a near death experience. WAKE UP. near death experiences happen when you are mauled by a bear in the middle of the woods. near death experiences happen when your airplane plummets to the ground in a ball of fire and you miraculously escape. near death experiences do NOT happen when you suddenly realize that you have been living a champagne life style on a pabst blue ribbon budget.

oh yeah, and taking a vacation is precisely what is in order here. clearly. yeah, hows about you pack up the insanity that has become your life and hop on over to some alternate paradise where you can spend some more money that you don't have. and when you come back, i promise things will all be better.

and the overpriced orange county facelift was a fantastic use of your depleted financial resources. you look amazing. totally natural.